


Babe!

by SLTventures



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-21
Updated: 2020-10-23
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:34:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 10,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26571517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SLTventures/pseuds/SLTventures
Summary: A new fic that's come to mind, Not sure how long it will be yet!
Relationships: Charity Dingle/Vanessa Woodfield
Kudos: 48





	1. Chapter 1

CHARITY. Babe. Babe? Are you there? Oh, this flamin’ heap of ju-  
NESS. Charity, hun. Ah, oh, it’s so good to see your face.  
CHARITY. You’ve seen me every day babe?  
NESS. Yeah I know, it’s just today’s been a bit trying.  
CHARITY. Babe, you’re worrying me. You haven’t been over doing things have you? Running around after your mum? You know you do need to look after number 1 as well you know?  
NESS. You’re my number 1 babe.  
CHARITY. Oh. babe. It doesn’t feel like it sometimes though. Not with you being with your mum, and me being here on my own with all the kids. Sorry I don’t mean to moan babe. I, I just miss you so much Ness.  
NESS. I’m sorry hun, honestly I am. I just don’t think mum can cope on her own yet. I am getting lots of rest inbetween caring for her.  
CHARITY. Honestly?  
NESS. Honestly hun. The minute my head hits the pillow each time, I’m dreaming of you, of us, being together.  
CHARITY. Together together?  
NESS. Yes hun, that too. And taking the kids out for water fights and watching their little faces light up as they discover new things they can achieve. I’m sorry it’s taken longer than I thought, being with mum.  
CHARITY. It won’t be for forever I guess.  
NESS. God no! I love her but she does drive me mad several times a day! What time are you picking up Poppet tomorrow?  
CHAIRTY. Oh change of plan there babe.  
NESS. Oh no, what?  
CHARITY. I got her this morning.  
NESS. Babe? How did you keep that quiet! Oh, you!  
CHARITY. I’ll get the kids to bring her here, SARAH! SARAH? NOAH?


	2. Chapter 2

CHARITY. Where’ve they gone now? I gave them one little job to do-  
NESS. Hun, don’t worry I’m sure they won’t have gone far with Poppet.  
CHARITY. Er babe, before I go and see, I’ve got something to confess.  
NESS. Oh yes?  
CHARITY. Er, well, now, don’t be cross with me, but I couldn’t resist-  
NESS. Go on - what have you done?  
CHARITY. It’s a good thing, honest. You’ll love them.  
NESS. Them? You haven’t brought home two dogs have you Charity?!  
CHARITY. Er, not exactly no.  
NESS. Three? You haven’t brought three dogs have you? Where will we keep them all? I mean I love dogs, you know I do, but-  
CHARITY. No, babe! Have you taken too many painkillers again?  
NESS. No. Why?  
CHARITY. You just seem a bit hyper babe. Why on earth would I adopt three dogs? I know I do some mad things babe, but-  
NESS. Sarky! Okay have you brought home two then?  
CHARITY. No! Babe. Seriously?  
NESS. Well what have you brought then? You said ‘them’?  
CHARITY. Well I was going to adopt a female dog, as we talked about, and call her-  
NESS. Poppet?  
CHARITY. Yes, well, you named her, yes.  
NESS. But?  
CHARITY. But when I got to the sanctuary there were so many cute faces just asking to be taken home too.  
NESS. What have you done with my Charity?  
CHARITY. Pardon?  
NESS. Well, you must be an imposter if you thought there were lots of cute faces there!  
CHARITY. Oi! Babe! I can do cute.  
NESS. I know you can.  
CHARITY. Er, er yes. God you’re making me blush, and we’re not even in the same room.  
NESS. Ha haa! I have that effect on women.  
CHARITY. Just me I hope babe!  
NESS. Err, let me think. No, just you, you daft egg.  
CHARITY. Thanks babe.  
NESS. So, these cute faces that were begging to be taken home?  
CHARITY. Well they weren’t actually begging babe-  
NESS. Stop splitting hairs, and spill the beans!  
CHARITY. Yes, well, I got Poppet the puppy, for Johnny and Moses to bond with, and-  
NESS. And?  
CHARITY. Well I’ve asked Moira and we can rent some land up at the farm to keep them. Then the tots, well any of the kids can go and tend to them at any time, if they get to be too much for our garden. Well, not when it’s dark obviously, but-  
NESS. Obviously. But?  
CHARITY. I was surprised she said yes, but she agreed as it will be good for all the kids.  
NESS. Charity!  
CHARITY. Sorry babe. You won’t be cross with me? Promise?  
NESS. I doubt I could ever be cross with you again after this last year. But what have you done babe?  
CHARITY looks over her laptop to the back door - Ahh there you are Noah! Is Sarah with you?  
NOAH. She’s just put them in their pen, are you ready to show Ness?  
CHARITY. I’ll just take you on a tour to our back garden babe. Close your eyes.  
NESS. Okay, why do we need a pen though hun?  
CHARITY. Keep them closed, all will be revealed. No peeking til I say!  
NESS. Okay hun. Are you at the back door yet?  
CHARITY. Nearly. Right. You can open your eyes now. Here’s the new additions to our brood.  
NESS opens her eyes, then starts crying  
CHARITY. No! Babe! That wasn’t the reaction I was hoping for. I thought you’d get cross if anything.  
NESS. No (sniff) I’m (sniff) not (sniff) sad (sniff) Charity, babe, hun. I can’t believe you’ve done such a beautiful thing that’s all.  
CHARITY. Oh, Thanks babe.  
NESS. No, hun, I didn’t mean you don’t do beautiful things. I just never expected all this.  
NOAH. We present to you the start of the Woodfield Dingle Animal Farm!  
And SARAH lifted Poppet up to the screen to show NESS their new puppy.  
NESS. Ohh she’s gawjus I wish I was there to give her a cuddle.  
CHARITY. Me too babe, me too.  
TRACY walks around the corner with MOSES and JOHNNY each holding hands with her.  
JOHNNY. Mummy Charity! You got them!  
MOSES toddled over to the pen.  
CHARITY. Yes babe. We can start our Animal Farm now like your Mummy has always dreamed of.  
JOHNNY toddled over to the laptop screen and hugged it, kissing the screen to kiss his Mummy on the video call.  
NESS. Aww thanks sweetheart. What are you going to call them all?  
JOHNNY. Er I don’t know Mummy.  
CHARITY. We’ll give it some thought eh babe.  
JOHNNY nodded his head then ran over to the pen to join MOSES.  
TRACY took Poppet off SARAH.  
TRACY. Now arent you just the most gawjus little creature I’ve ever seen, eh.  
CHARITY. Thanks sister in law, ha haa you say the sweetest things about me.  
TRACY. Ohh Charity warity thinks she’s so funny wunny doesn’t she hunny bunny.  
CHARITY. Trace she’s a dog not a baby.  
TRACY. Ah hush woman, I’m getting some practise in for whenever my baba comes along.  
NESS’ mum makes an appearance alongside her daughter  
NESS’ MUM. You’ve got your hands full now Charity.  
CHARITY. Ah these few more won’t make much odds.  
NESS’ MUM. You might not be saying that when your kids won’t muck them out.  
CHARITY. Hmm, I’m sure we’ll manage, but thanks for your concern. How are you anyway?  
NESS’ MUM. Oh I’m still not good, Vanessa is looking after me very well though.  
CHARITY. Great, I’m so happy for you.  
NESS’ MUM. Speak up girl, what was that?  
CHARITY glared at NESS.  
NESS. Go and have a lie down Mum, you’ll feel better. I’ll bring you a cup of tea shortly, I won’t be long.  
NESS’ MUM looks indignant but hobbles off without saying ‘bye’ to Charity or the children.  
NESS. Sorry babe. It’s not personal, it’s just her way. I am sorry.  
CHARITY. I miss you babe. So much it hurts sometimes.  
NESS. Oh hun. Can we chat again later when you’re in bed?  
CHARITY. Yes, I’d like that. I’ll take photos of the new brood to show you properly later.  
NESS. Thanks hun, I look forward to seeing which cute faces drew you in.  
CHARITY. There’s no cuter face than yours though.  
NOAH. Can you two get a room!  
CHARITY. Chance’d be a fine thing! Scoot! Help Trace keep an eye on the tots for me a moment will you? I’ll be out in a moment.  
NOAH. Bye Ness.  
NESS. Bye Noah, be a good lad for your mum eh? She needs you so much right now, okay?  
NOAH. Okay. Stay safe mum.  
NESS. Thanks love, bye.  
CHARITY slumped on the sofa with her laptop.  
CHARITY. Peace at last. Now where were we….


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Still same video call as previous chapter. Kids are in garden with animals. Charity is on the sofa chatting to Ness online...

NESS. That pig was so cute!  
CHARITY. Shall we call him 'Bacon'?  
NESS. No! He'll get a complex!  
CHARITY. How exactly?  
NESS. Oh well you know what I mean, it'd be like calling you 'Ribs'  
CHARITY. Not really babe  
NESS. Well, if I called you ‘long pig’ then  
CHARITY. Thanks!  
NESS. Not really hun, you don’t look anything like a piggie wiggie.  
CHARITY. I thought it would teach the kids where meat comes from then they can decide better whether they want to eat it or not. I mean how can you eat something with such a cutie wutie face?  
NESS. I eat y-  
CHARITY. Babe! You're getting me all hot and bothered again!  
NESS. Ha ha, you love it really  
CHARITY. What about 'Babe'?  
NESS. That's what you call me though. Actually, you call most people you like 'babe' so maybe-  
CHARITY. Wasn't there a 'babe, sheep-pig' in some kids story? I loved that.  
NESS. Yeah, Dick King-Smith was the author as I recall.  
CHARITY. Yeah that sounds right. Loved that book!  
NESS. I can't believe you've managed to get a calf, a lamb, and a pig. I mean I love you for it, but are you sure you'll be able to cope with them all? What with Poppet and all the kids?  
CHARITY. Well Moira's agreed to help with them all, and get her kids involved too, and-  
NESS. But she's a farmer, she does know they are pets, doesn't she?  
CHARITY. Yeah of course, babe. And Rhona said Leo would love to help out, and Tracy too bless her.  
NESS. Tracy?  
CHARITY. Yeah says it'll help her know what to do when her baba comes along, she says.  
NESS. I think baby animals are a bit different to human babies, though?  
CHARITY. Not really in the scheme of things babe, I mean they all poo, pee, love food, get sick, and need lots of cuddles, so not that different?  
NESS. So long as she doesn't try sticking a nappy on the animals, we'll be alright.  
CHARITY. Or feed her baby from a trough! Social services might have a thing or two to say about that eh.  
NESS. Ha, yeah. No, Trace is good with kids, she's always been great with Johnny-  
CHARITY. And Moses too-  
NESS. Yeah she is isn't she, she's good with all our kids come to think of it.  
CHARITY. All we need now is to get a pygmy goat, then we can call him Billy!  
NESS. Dawn might have something to say about that?  
CHARITY. Ah ha ha, I'm sure her Billy doesn't chew everything in sight, no one will mix the two up eh, ha ha ha.  
NESS. What do you plan to name the calf and the sheep then?  
CHARITY. Well they’re your dream, babe. What would you like us to call them?  
NESS. Okay going with your educative theme, how about Sausage for the cutie pig?  
CHARITY. Yep that works, it won’t sound so odd me shouting for the ‘silly little sausage’ to behave!  
NESS. Okay. Er. The lamb er-  
CHARITY. Mutton? Faith’s not around at the moment so we won’t get the two confused ha haa.  
NESS. Charity! I thought you liked Faith?  
CHARITY. Sorry babe. Ha haa couldn’t resist then. No, true I do get on with Faith a lot better than I used to. She was very good when Sarah was in hospital, keeping watch with me. Apart from that time we fell asleep on each other.  
NESS. Sorry hun, the sound went at the end there what did you say?  
CHARITY. Oh, just that she was always falling asleep, the ol’ bird!  
NESS. Oh right, yeah.  
CHARITY. So, sorry as you were saying-  
NESS. Yeah, how about Woolie for the lamb?  
CHARITY. People might get confused with the pub, babe? But on the other hand, I like the thought of causing a bit of mischief, ha haa. No, yep that sounds good. Okay, and what about the udder one?  
*CHARITY winked at NESS*  
NESS. Oh ha ha, you’re on a roll today hun eh.  
CHARITY. I’d rather be on your baps-  
*NESS rolled her eyes at CHARITY but smirked at the same time*  
NESS. Do you ever think of anything else hun?  
CHARITY. Yes. Often. But video calls only get me so far babe!  
NESS. Yes, I’m sorry. I’ll definitely put a lot of sparkle in your tinsel this Christmas babe.  
CHARITY. I hope we get to see each other in person before then though?!  
NESS. Yeah me too hun, honestly. I was just thinking back to when I was ‘ever ready’ last Christmas.  
CHARITY. Is it me or is it hot in here babe?  
NESS. Well you’d still be a hot babe if we were in an igloo, my darling, so I don’t know. Feel free to take your top off if you wanna cool down though hun?  
CHARITY. Ha haa. Oh you! Getting me all hot and bothered when I’ve got to get the kids tea ready.  
NESS. Well we’ve still got that bedtime video call to have later babe.  
CHARITY. Yes, definitely. Nothing but an actual 999 emergency will stop me from seeing you then babe!  
NESS. Me either hun, I’m making sure mum is well tucked up and snoring before we start that!  
CHARITY. Moody?  
NESS. What me or my mum?!  
CHARITY. No, as a name for our calf? As in ‘moody cow’.  
NESS. Actually, it befits my mum quite well now you mention it.  
CHARITY. I’m saying nothing babe.  
NESS. That’s our kinda ‘term of endearment’ though when we’re cross with each other hun!  
CHARITY. Ha haa, oh yeah. Okay then how about Rump or Roastie?  
NESS. Rump would make me think of you hun.  
CHARITY. Oi babe!  
NESS. No hun! In a good way, I love your rear end.  
CHARITY. God you’re making me blush again babe.  
NESS. Roastie sounds good. Either that or ask the kids if they can think of something else they’d prefer to call our cutie calf?  
CHARITY. Okay, good idea babe. Good idea. I’d better go. I don’t want to, but the kids become monsters when they’re hungry.  
NESS. I’ll see you later babe. Will you wear that pink negligee I sent you, tonight?  
CHARITY. Anything for you babe. See you later. Love you.  
NESS. Love you more.  
CHARITY. More  
NESS. Even more.  
CHARITY. Ha. Bye babe!  
*They waved and blew kisses to each other, and ended the video call, until later*


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The next morning...

TRACY. That’s it, Leo, good boy! You’ve done very well this morning. That’s it you give that feed to Sausage, and I’ll just give something to Willy.  
RHONA approaches from across the road.  
LEO. Mummy, look at Sausage!  
RHONA. It looks like he’s hungry! What’s the lamb called?  
TRACY. This here is Willy.  
RHONA. Oh. That’s an interesting name for a lamb. Are you sure it’s not Wily?  
TRACY. No. It’s Willy. Like the film ‘Free Wi-‘  
CHARITY overhears from across the garden.  
CHARITY. Tracy!  
TRACY. What?  
CHARITY. I think you’ve had more than enough Willy for a while Trace.  
TRACY. Eh? I haven’t been holding ‘im for long, he’s okay.  
CHARITY. No. Babe. He’s called ‘Woolie’.  
TRACY. What, like the pub?  
CHARITY. Well, yes and no.  
TRACY. Eh?  
RHONA. I expect that’s his name because of his fleece, what do you think Leo?  
LEO nodded his head.  
TRACY. Well Charity would know all about fleecing someone-  
CHARITY. Oi! Babe! That’s all in the past now, do you mind!  
TRACY. Soz  
CHARITY. Yes, as Leo and his clever Mummy said, it’s because he’s very woolly.  
LEO grinned at RHONA.  
RHONA. What are you after?  
CHARITY. Nothing. Can’t I pay you a compliment in front of your son?  
RHONA. Yeah, sorry. Are you ready to go Leo?  
CHARITY. Thanks for helping Leo, you’ve been a star. Come back anytime, okay? Bye, love.  
TRACY. Bye Leo, thank you. See you soon.  
CHARITY and TRACY waved them off down the road.  
CHARITY. Who’s next on the rota?  
TRACY. Moira’s bringing her two up in a couple of hours.  
CHARITY. Ah great, she can stay with them here while I walk Poppet round the block then.  
TRACY. You can go now if you like? I’m okay to stop on with them and the kids.  
CHARITY. No you’re okay Trace, thanks, but I’d rather go when there’s more kids here.  
TRACY. Oh you’re all heart you eh?  
CHARITY. Oh come on, just cos your baba’s not here yet. Once they are you’ll realise that despite loving the bones of your own kids, there’s something that’s still quite irritating about other people’s!  
TRACY. Does that go for Johnny too?  
CHARITY. No of course not Trace! That wasn’t kind.  
TRACY. Sorry, but-  
CHARITY. Anyway he’s not ‘other peoples’ kids, he’s Vanessa’s which makes him mine, whether we’re married yet or not, alright.  
TRACY. Sorry. No I am, sorry. My hormones are all over the place.  
CHARITY. Yeah I know, I remember. And I guess my track record with kids doesn’t actually lend itself to people believing me about any of our brood. But honestly. Honest to god babe, our kids are my world.  
TRACY caressed her bump, and talked to her baby.   
TRACY. Do you hear that baba? Auntie Charity is the best mum ever. I only hope I can be half as good as you are, with all of yours.  
CHARITY. Ah Trace stop it, you’ll have me welling up here!  
TRACY. No need to be sarky, I was being nice for once!  
CHARITY. Trace! I wasn’t, for once. Come here babe, give us a hug.  
TRACY. What? In the middle of the day for everyone to see. Ah, go on then.   
They both laughed and hugged each other tight.  
TRACY. I miss Ness so much.  
CHARITY. Me too babe, me too.  
TRACY. But you’re shaping up to be a good sister-in-lieu.  
CHARITY. Don’t you mean ‘in-law’?  
TRACY. Well that too, when you finally get wed yeah.  
CHARITY did a big yawn.  
TRACY. Am I boring you?  
CHARITY. No, sorry babe. I had a late night talking to Ness on the video call.  
TRACY. I didn’t hear much talking going on-  
CHARITY. Well it was your idea to stop over. You know the walls are thin in that place!  
TRACY. S’ok I put my headphones on and watched birthing videos.  
CHARITY. God, they’re enough to put you off childbirth for life kid.  
TRACY. It were quite interesting actually. Nate says he doesn’t want to be at the ‘business end’ when the time comes though.  
CHARITY. If the ‘business end’ was good enough for him to get you up the duff, it’s good enough for him to be there to squeeze the hell out of when you’re in labour Trace.  
TRACY. I s’pose.  
CHARITY. No s’pose about it kid, if he disagrees then clutch his ‘business end’ he’ll soon change his mind!  
CHARITY’s phone rings, she answers it.  
CHARITY. Hi babe, how are you feeling this morning? We were just talking about you. Oh me and Trace babe, she stopped over last night in case I needed a hand with Poppet in the night. Yeah, yeah it was good of her. Hang on, I’ll just put you on speakerphone.  
NESS. Trace? Thanks for stopping over, did you get a good sleep? How’s your bump?  
TRACY. Hi babes. S’ok. I was just saying to Charity, once I put birthing videos on I couldn’t hear the pair of you “chatting” last night.  
NESS. Oh sorry babes.   
CHARITY. Are you on for another session tonight babe?  
TRACY started to walk away.  
CHARITY. Ha ha haa Trace has wandered off back to pets corner, with her fingers in her ears!  
NESS. Bless her.   
CHARITY. So what you up to today then babes?  
NESS. I’ve got to get some shopping in for mum but then I’m planning to relax most of the day.  
CHARITY. You’re not overdoing it are you? I thought the supermarket delivered to you?  
NESS. For the food shopping yeah, this is some stuff she wants from the chemist.  
CHARITY. Okay, but after that, as much R&R as you can take, okay babes?  
NESS. Yeah I promise hun. You wore me out last night, in a good way though, of course.  
CHARITY. It was meant to pep you up, not wear you out babes?  
NESS. It’s okay, it wasn’t too much. But yeah, I’m still on for another bedtime video chat tonight hun. The sight of you in that pink negligee will keep me smiling all day babes.  
CHARITY. Glad to be of service madam.  
CHARITY winked at the phone and then remembered it wasn’t a video call. She made a mental note to repeat it on video later. She knew, and loved the effect her winking had on NESS.  
NESS. How’s Poppet doing?  
CHARITY. She’s being a real poppet, she slept through the night and only did a couple of wees in the night but both on the newspaper. She’s a target star, babe.  
NESS. Are you coping alright with pets corner hun?  
CHARITY. Yeah, Trace has arranged a rota of kids and parents to come and help out through the day, and with any luck we’ll have a regular rota going for each week soon!  
NESS. Ahh she’s getting lots of practise with kids, in readiness for her baba eh?  
CHARITY. That’s her plan I think yeah. Johnny and Moses have come up with a name for the calf by the way.  
NESS. Great. What’s it to be? Roastie or Rump or?  
CHARITY. Neither of the above babe, but I think you’ll like it. I think dear Auntie Tracy might have had a hand in coming up with the name, but I’ll let them tell you themselves when we facetime you this afternoon, okay babes?  
NESS. Intriguing! Okay, can’t wait.  
TRACY whistled at CHARITY, and waved.  
CHARITY. Ah Trace says bye babe. She’s holding onto Sausage trying to feed him.  
NESS. Ah, tell her I said bye and I’ll text her later.  
CHARITY. Okay babes, will do. Oh, oh, ha ha ha haaa, oh heck I’d better go babes. I think Sausage is trying to make a run for it. Bye babes,   
NESS. Oh. Bye babes, love you.  
CHARITY. Love you more, bye!  
In her haste to keep Sausage in the pen, CHARITY dropped her mobile on the grass and ran over to help TRACY.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Later that afternoon...

CHARITY. MOSES! Are you ready babe?  
MOSES hurries down the stairs to join CHARITY and JOHNNY on the sofa.  
CHARITY. Careful babe, don’t have a tumble. Have you washed your hands?  
MOSES. Yes Mummy.  
CHARITY. Good boy, come and sit next to me then.  
MOSES. Have you washed your hands Johnny?  
JOHNNY nodded.  
CHARITY. Right are we ready to facetime Mummy Ness?  
JOHNNY. Yes Mummy Charity.  
CHARITY slowly presses the buttons to start the facetime call.  
MOSES. Hurry up Mummy, Porpetroll is on soon!  
CHARITY. Oh. I’m terribly sorry babes, I wouldn’t want to get in the way of your viewing schedule.  
MOSES laughed. What’s a ‘sked you’ll’ Mummy?  
CHARITY. It’s what I try to keep to, running around after you cheeky mites!  
MOSES looked across at JOHNNY and they both chuckled.  
JOHNNY. Funny Mummy Charity.  
CHARITY. Babes! Don’t you start getting as cheeky as Mojo here.  
But she was laughing and tried to tickle them both.  
NESS. Mummy Charity!  
CHARITY. Sorry Ness!  
NESS. Ha ha ha I’m only messin’ with you babe.  
CHARITY. If only babe, if only.  
JOHNNY. Mummy is pretending!  
CHARITY. Yeah babes, I know I was just-  
NESS. Yeah, so boys, what have you been up to today? Have you had fun?  
JOHNNY nodded and smiled shyly.  
MOSES. I’ve been helping Mummy with the animals, she says I’m very helpful.  
MOSES looked up at CHARITY.  
CHARITY. Yes you are babes. Tell Mummy Ness just how helpful you’ve been?  
MOSES. Mummy! Ness! Well I, I raked out all of their stinky poo, and and Mummy shov eld it into a wheelbox and then I drove the wheelbox to the com pot heap !  
NESS. All by yourself? Good boy! You have, been helpful to Mummy.  
MOSES. But then I dropped it.  
NESS. Oh.  
JOHNNY. All over the garden. It was SO stinky Mummy!!  
NESS. Ha ha, oh dear, well I’m sure you didn’t mean to Moses. I expect it was a bit heavy for you?  
CHARITY. I didn’t pile it high babes, it’s just he was so eager to get to the compost heap.  
JOHNNY. I threw the poo back into the wheelbox Mummy!  
NESS. What with your hands?!  
CHARITY. He had gloves on Mummy Ness, it’s okay. It was just a few bits that I couldn’t fit on the shovel. I got most of it up.  
NESS. Ah that’s okay then. What good boys you’ve been, both of you, helping Mummy Charity clear out the animals toilets, because that can be a stinky stinky job!  
CHARITY. I think somebody’s done a stinky job in here too!  
CHARITY looked at the boys in turn. Who’s let one off?  
The boys both pointed at her.  
CHARITY. Me? It’s not me, you cheeky wotsits. Hmm!  
NESS. So what name have you come up with for the calf, boys?  
JOHNNY. Auntie Tracy said you would like it.  
NESS. Oh yeah, go on then sweetheart?  
JOHNNY. ‘Charessa’  
NESS. Charessa?! What kind of a name is that? Sorry I mean, what does that mean, boys?  
MOSES. Auntie Tracy said that it is part of yours and Mummy’s names, Mummy Ness.  
NESS. Er. Oh, I see! I get it now. Or er we could call the calf ‘Vanity’, that sounds like a more natural word?  
CHARITY. Yeah although it does sounds like we’re vain?  
NESS. Well if the cap fits…?  
CHARITY. Oi babe! I’m not-  
NESS. Ha ha, no you’re mostly not. You do have that ‘vanity’ mirror in the bedroom though.  
CHARITY. It’s all the better for seeing you in it actually babe.  
NESS. Yeah, sorry.  
CHARITY. We can both be moody cows though, babe?  
NESS. Some more than others.  
CHARITY. Ahem, play nicely in front of the boys babe, or I will have an early night tonight!  
NESS. Sorry babe, sorry boys. Yes, which do you think Johnny, ‘Vanity’ or ‘Charessa’ to name the calf as our namesake, which do you prefer?  
JOHNNY. I didn’t say ‘Vanity’.  
NESS. I know you didn’t sweetheart, but it is still our names mixed together, and it’d be easier for Mummy Charity to say when she has to call it?  
CHARITY. Oh that’s a point! I can’t be shouting ‘Vanity, Vanity’ across the garden, folk will think I’ve lost the plot babe!  
TRACY walks in. Might be too late for that Charity!  
CHARITY. Oi babe! Make yourself comfortable why don’t you, doesn’t anyone knock anymore?!  
TRACY. Soz. I thought ‘Charessa’ sounded exotic, but suit yourselves.  
CHARITY. We will thanks!  
NESS. Hi Trace. How about you boys have a vote on which one, or see if Mummy Charity can come up with an anagram of the letters of our names for another alternative perhaps? Since she is so good with crosswords and all?  
MOSES. What’s an ‘nana gram’?  
TRACY. Ha ha that’s nearer the mark, for Mummy Charity already!  
CHARITY. Hush woman!  
NESS. Ha ha ha. Oh dear what have I started.  
CHARITY. I’ll have a think and we’ll let you know later babes okay?  
NESS. Okay. Did you keep Sausage in the pen earlier Trace?  
TRACY. Yeah, just about. Boy can that pig wriggle!  
NESS. Well I heard you and Charity shouting at each other as you tried to keep a hold of him!!  
TRACY. Eh? How-  
NESS. I think Charity dropped her phone on the grass earlier, I stayed listening for a few minutes then I ended the call!  
CHARITY. I didn’t realise you were ear-wigging babe, we must have sounded like a couple of fish-wives!  
NESS. Not quite, but I think I heard a threat of ‘bacon’ in there somewhere?  
CHARITY. Not me, no babe, no no.  
TRACY. Well it weren’t me either babes.  
NESS. Hmm if you say so.  
CHARITY. I nearly left my phone outside! My brain fog just lately, is a nightmare!  
TRACY. Well you are ‘of an age’ babes.  
CHARITY. Oi lady!  
TRACY. Ha ha ha. Just sayin’  
CHARITY. It’ll come to you once that baba comes along, even if you are a whipper-snapper at the moment babes!  
TRACY. Yeah yeah. Not as bad as you though surely, you’re always sayin’ there’s gremlins here, moving stuff about?  
NESS. Okay, time out you two, I need you both to get on.  
TRACY. Sorry babes, I’m only messin’.  
NESS. Sorry boys, the ‘grown-ups’ have taken over again. And Granny Woodfield is calling for me now too, I’d better go. You be good boys for Mummy Charity okay?  
JOHNNY and MOSES. Yes Mummy. Love you.  
MOSES. *mwah, mwah* see you before bed Mummy Ness, gotta go ‘Porpetroll’ is starting. Byeee!  
CHARITY rolled her eyes at him.  
CHARITY. Sorry babe, I don’t know where he gets it from.  
NESS rolled her eyes at CHARITY but was smiling.  
CHARITY winked at NESS.  
NESS. Ha. I can’t think where hun. I can’t think bout much else now you’ve winked at me, either! You know what that does to me you rotter.  
CHARITY. Plenty more of those to come when we video message again when we’re in bed, babes.  
TRACY. La la la la, can’t hear you!  
NESS. Ha ha, hun, behave! Is Johnny watching ‘Paw Patrol’ as well?  
CHARITY. Yeah sorry babes, he shuffled over on the sofa while I wasn’t looking.  
NESS. No problem, I’ll call again before they go to bed, and give him, them both, a virtual kiss.  
CHARITY. And me?  
NESS. Later babes, later, ha! Are you stopping over again Trace?  
TRACY. No, I don’t want two sleepless nights in a row thanks, it’s bad enough trying to get comfy with this baba, never mind listening to you two through the wall!  
NESS. Ha, sorry hun. Okay you take care of yourself and the bump, and text me when you’re home later okay?  
TRACY. Okay babes, take care.  
CHARITY. Trace, make yourself useful and put the kettle on will ya? I’m parched.  
TRACY. What did your last slave d- , soz, sure, builders tea for you?  
CHARITY. Thanks Trace, you’re a star.  
NESS. Chat later yeah?  
CHARITY. I’m counting on it. Love you babes.  
NESS. Love you more.  
TRACY. Love you!  
NESS. And you Trace!  
TRACY and CHARITY waved at the screen at NESS’ smiling face, as her mother appeared behind her and NESS waved, blew a kiss at CHARITY, winked, then ended the call.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The next morning.  
> CHARITY is sat up in bed with a cup of tea and a two slices of buttered toast. She grins as NESS answers her video call.

CHARITY. Morning babe, I dreamt about you last night.  
NESS. Oh yeah, what was I wearing this time hun?  
CHARITY. I do have clean dreams too you know babe!  
NESS. Sorry babe, what were we doing then?  
CHARITY. I appeared to be at some conference or other, and I was trying to listen to what was going on, but then they put you opposite me on my table and I couldn’t concentrate on events.  
NESS smiled warmly at her fiancé.  
CHARITY. For some reason though, there were lots of kids sat at the table too. You were being great with them and they were giving you things to sign. You kept smiling at me, but you seemed different somehow, not sure-  
NESS. Why was I signing stuff?  
CHARITY. Seems they knew you from something, perhaps you’d written a book on animals, babe?  
NESS. That’s still a dream, one day.  
CHARITY. Maybe it was a sign then, you should babe, you’d be great.  
NESS. I would if I wasn’t so tired all the time-  
CHARITY. Babe! I thought you said you weren’t overdoing things!  
NESS. No, I try not to babe, but I just don’t have the same energy for normal things as I once did.  
CHARITY. Oh. babe. You’re worrying me now.  
NESS. Try not to worry babe. I think I’m doing okay still. What else happened in your dream?  
CHARITY. I know you’re trying to distract me, but okay. Well after your signing session, I kept following you around the exhibition centre-  
NESS. Stalker!  
CHARITY. Oi!  
NESS. Ha ha sorry, I’m kidding. Go on-  
CHARITY. I was trying not to be obvious, but each time you either were stopped by someone, or you went into one of the shops for something, so I hung back-  
NESS. That doesn’t sound like you hun.  
CHARITY. I know, well it was ‘dream me’ not the real me eh.  
NESS. I usually do, dream ‘you’   
CHARITY. Oh er er, babe! You’ve got me all flustered!  
NESS. Ha ha. Now you know how I feel when you wink at me hun.  
CHARITY. Nice to know it has such a glorious effect on you babe.  
They smiled at each other for a moment.  
NESS. Yeah, so, did you get to talk to me in the end?  
CHARITY. Yeah as you headed outside, I thought ‘it’s now or never’ so I called out “Vanessa!” and you turned around and smiled.  
NESS. Aww, well I’m nice like that, see.  
CHARITY. Yes, you are babe. You said you were on your way home now, but you didn’t hurry me away either. I mumbled something about, sorry I didn’t speak to you at the table, but I prefer talking to people 1-2-1.  
NESS. What did I say?  
CHARITY. You said you had wondered if I was ever going to speak to you, as I was apparently smiling at you a lot but then never met your eye, always looked like I was trying to see over your head, what the exhibition people were talking about?  
NESS. And were you?  
CHARITY. Yeah, I was trying to, but I couldn’t keep track of what was going on, with you sat that close to me! Think I was supposed to be paying for something by cheque too, but I kept missing how much was due!  
NESS. A cheque!   
CHARITY. I know! Well it was a dream babe. Odd things always do happen in dreams. Well in mine, anyway.  
NESS. So, did I stay and chat with you?  
CHARITY. Yeah, I think you suggested getting a takeaway coffee and going to sit in the park to chat.  
NESS. What park?  
CHARITY. I don’t know where we were. In dreams they usually miraculously appear two steps away!  
NESS. But you’re not sure what we did?  
CHARITY. Yeah well you know what dreams are like, they’re great when you’re in them. Everything seems to make sense. You wake up, try to get back into the dream, then it fades and then you forget unless you write it down quick!  
NESS. You didn’t write it down?  
CHARITY. I jotted notes but then the ‘forgetting’ and jumbled up stage came in my brain!  
NESS. What did we chat about?  
CHARITY. Think I apologised for not chatting at the table, but said that seeing you there had caught me off guard. I didn’t expect to meet you that close up!  
NESS. Frightening ha ha!  
CHARITY. No, I don’t mean that babe, you know what I mean.  
NESS. Like when you go to comicon or something and you find yourself in the café sat opposite the one person you can’t wait to meet?  
CHARITY. Ha, yeah something like that. You sound as though you’ve experienced that babe?  
NESS. Nearly, at a Xena con once, except they were two tables across from me so it was all I could do not to just sit there with my mouth wide open. I couldn’t believe I was so near to them-  
CHARITY. Is that your mother calling you I can hear?  
NESS. Sorry babe, I was trying to ignore her for five minutes, think she wants her morning cuppa. I’d better go. Are you free to facetime at lunch?  
CHARITY. Always got time to see your gorgeous face babe.  
NESS. Er er ha ok, I’ll catch you in the Woolie then.  
CHARITY. I look forward to it babe.  
NESS. Me too sweetheart. Miss you.  
CHARITY. Miss you more.  
NESS. Love you babes.  
CHARITY. Ditto. Bye!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The next day...

CHARITY is in the back room of the pub talking to CHAS  
CHARITY. Oh, I am sorry babes. When are you planning to go?  
CHAS. Oh you’re all heart you, sounds like you can’t wait for me to go! Either that or you’re worried you’re gonna have to look after this place on your own?  
CHARITY. No, babes. I am sorry it’s come to this. Padster loves the bones of you, we all know he does, but maybe some time apart will help you both find out what you want?  
CHAS. It’s not helping you, being apart from Ness!  
CHARITY. That’s different.  
CHAS. How?  
CHARITY. Well for once, we haven’t fallen out. We’re apart because of circumstances. Although she doesn’t always answer all my calls-  
CHAS. Well you do phone her a lot babe.  
CHARITY. I don’t?  
CHAS. No, you do.  
CHARITY. Well we are engaged to be married. I want her here next to me, especially since she’s not been well, and after the year she’s had with all the trauma-  
CHAS. Yeah, I’m sorry babe. I’m taking out my frustrations on you.   
CHARITY. And I need her help with the kids a lot too-  
CHAS. Yeah, I know. I’m sorry I had a go. You are amazing with your expanding brood though. I see a lot of Lisa in you, kid.  
CHARITY. You do?  
CHAS. Yeah.  
CHARITY. Really?  
CHAS. Yeah. Honestly. Stop fishing for compliments-  
CHARITY. Well it’s not often I get high praise from family. I was just making sure I heard you right, babe.  
CHAS rolled her eyes, but then laughed.  
CHARITY. Ahh that’s better babe. You go and get some much needed, R&R at Debs, and Jack can help entertain Eve.   
CHAS. You’re sure you can cope?  
CHARITY. Well you’re always saying I don’t pull my weight around here-  
CHAS. No, you are good. It’s just sometimes when I want a day off, babes.  
CHARITY. With Bob and Mandy, and the others, we’ll manage. It’s a pity Sarah’s not older, I imagine she’d be rather good behind the bar.  
CHAS. A chip off the old block, more like?  
CHARITY. Deb never wanted to work ‘ere?  
CHAS. No, babe. From Granny here! Sarah’s got your sarcasm, no doubt about it!  
CHARITY. Ha, well I’ve no doubt she can look after herself, so that’s all good in my book.  
CHAS. True.   
CHARITY. So, when are you going then?  
CHAS. Within the week, I think. I’m just waiting to hear back from Debs.  
CHARITY. Well. I’ll miss ya kid. But make sure you give Deb a massive hug from me okay?  
CHAS. Will do, babes.  
CHARITY. And Jack, and Uncle Zak. Oh, that rhymes! I’m a poet and I didn’t know it.  
CHAS. Babes?  
CHARITY. Yeah?  
CHAS. Have you been syphoning the whiskey off into your hip flask again?  
CHARITY. No babe!  
CHAS. You, sure? You’re getting a bit hyper?  
CHARITY. No, babes. I don’t bother with a hip flask anymore, if I want a tipple, I just put it in a glass!  
CHARITY winked at CHAS and smirked.  
CHARITY. I’m just excited cos I’m facetiming Ness in a mo.  
CHAS. I thought that’s what you did with her this morning?  
CHARITY. I did. But we video call most times we speak to each other now, if we can. It feels so much more like we’re together that way.  
CHAS. I’d better get back to the bar and leave you two to it then. Though lunchtimes aren’t what they were with no one stood at the bar anymore.  
CHARITY. We wont be long out the back here, she wants to see folk in the pub again, like we did yesterday.  
CHAS. Eh?  
CHARITY. You know that new attachment I sent off for?  
CHAS. I don’t want to think about what helps get you off babe.  
CHARITY. No, babe! Although now you’ve given me ideas-. No the attachment I sent for for my phone?  
CHAS. Sorry, I’m still not with you?  
CHARITY. So I can wear it on my arm or round my neck? Then Ness can be on screen and see folks, while I’m moving around. We even had a chat together with Rhona that way yesterday lunchtime. Although it was a bit odd having Rhona looking at my chest a lot, had to keep reminding myself she was looking at Ness!  
CHAS. Ohh right. I think. You know I always wondered if there was a spark between you and Rhona way back?  
CHARITY. Rhona?! No babes. I mean, yeah she’s easy on the eye, but oh god she’d be so annoying.  
CHAS. No doubt she’d say the same about you, come to think of it.  
CHARITY. Ha, no doubt eh.  
CHARITY’s phone started buzzing, as NESS was calling. CHARITY answered the video call.  
CHARITY. Hi babes, have you had a good morning?  
NESS. Yeah not bad. I forgot to tell you earlier, I dreamt about you last night.  
CHAS. La la la la la, I’m outta here.  
CHARITY. Ha ha, see you shortly babe.  
CHAS. Hi Ness!  
NESS. Hi Chas, sorry, not that sorta dream.   
CHAS. If you say so, I’m outta here just in case though.  
CHARITY. So, what sort of dream was it then babes?  
NESS. You’ll never guess what we were both doing!  
CHARITY raised her eyebrows and smirked.  
NESS. No, Charitee! Guess what we both got?  
CHARITY. A takeaway? A cold?   
NESS. No. Nope.  
CHARITY. A tattoo? A c-  
NESS. How did you guess it was a tattoo?!  
CHARITY. Ha, I don’t know. I must have a sixth sense hey. That and I’ve always found tats rather appealing.  
NESS. What would you get done?  
CHARITY. No I think I’d change my mind too often and then regret having one done. Although a ‘tree of life’ would look fantastic across your back, I could trace my fingers down-  
NESS. I’ll keep it in mind if I ever see a henna one, I don’t think I could take the pain of a real tattoo.  
CHARITY. Where were we getting these tattoos done anyway? And what of?  
NESS. Ah that’s the bit when I woke up, we were just about to have the big reveal!  
CHARITY. Shame.  
NESS. Yeah. Don’t know where we were supposed to be, or why I even dreamt that.  
CHARITY. Maybe you read something about tattoos or saw a photo on social media before you went to bed? The brain, well mine anyway, does weird things with information I’ve noted just before I settle to sleep.  
NESS. P’raps yeah.   
CHARITY. Do you want to go in the bar now babe?  
NESS. Yeah is that alright?  
CHARITY. ‘Course it is. I love showing off my new gadget attachment-  
NESS. That’s a fine way to talk about your fiancé babe, ha ha.  
CHARITY. Ha, yeah, but I also love showing you off to everyone too. You’re still the best blonde to have walked into my life, babe.  
NESS. Well I should hope so, I didn’t know you were thinking of any other.  
CHARITY. I’m not, you know I only have eyes for you babe.  
NESS. Sorry, I’m only kidding. Ditto babe, ditto.  
CHARITY. Have you got your lunch and a drink to hand to have in the bar with me?  
NESS. Yep, who’s in this lunchtime?  
CHARITY. I’m not sure yet babe. Though I think Tracy and Rhona were hoping to pop in and see you again. I’m sure Bob will keep you entertained with a commentary on what folk are up to if I have to put you down behind the bar anytime? Otherwise I’ll carry you on me.  
NESS. Make sure it doesn’t twist round on your neck again though, we need you in one piece babe, although the view of your cleavage was immensely pleasing.  
CHARITY winked, NESS grinned, and Charity opened the door to head through to the bar.  
NESS. You know, next time Bob suggests karaoke we could do a duet like this eh?  
CHARITY. You’re on, kid.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s a few days later and CHARITY has a surprise for NESS. They are on their usual morning video call. CHARITY is downstairs on the sofa. NESS is at her bedroom at her mums, in her pjs.

NESS. Babe! I didn’t expect you to be up already, have you got clothes on under that dressing gown, I can’t quite tell?  
CHARITY. That’s the idea. All will be revealed shortly.  
NESS. Sorry I’m still in bed in my pjs.  
CHARITY. What are you apologising for you daft egg, you look gorgeous wherever you are, and whatever you’re wearing, or not wearing.  
CHARITY winked at her fiancé. NESS grinned.  
CHARITY. I took off the green negligee you sent me. I want to keep it for your eyes only babe, when I’m in our bedroom.  
NESS. Did you sleep in that after our video call last night?  
CHARITY. Yeah babe. It’s so soft, it’s as near as I can get to feeling like I’m next to you; plus, you wore me out babes, I practically was asleep the second we ended our call.  
NESS. Oh hun, I do miss you so much, you do know that don’t you?  
CHARITY. ‘Course babes. Not half as much as I miss you though.  
TRACY. C’mon you guys-  
CHARITY. Heck don’t sneak up on me like that!  
TRACY. Soz, morning babes.  
NESS. Morning Trace. What are you doing there?  
TRACY. Charming!  
NESS. No, you know what I mean. Heck, this is really early for you to be up too!  
TRACY. I can do early mornings thanks!  
NESS. Sorry, yes, I guess baba wakes you up early these days too?  
TRACY. Yeah, I don’t think he ever sleeps.  
NESS. He?  
TRACY. Ohh I don’t know what it is yet-  
CHARITY. A baby?  
TRACY. Very droll! I’ve just got a feeling-  
CHARITY starts singing. ‘That tonight’s gonna be a good night, a good night, night, night, night….’  
TRACY. Are you okay babes? You haven’t been on the whisky already have you?  
CHARITY. No. Babes. I was singing that song?  
TRACY. What song?  
CHARITY. The one that’s got ‘I’ve got a feeling’ somewhere in its lyrics?  
TRACY. Oh. So anyway, it’s not a competition. We all know you both miss each other tons. Are you ready yet?  
NESS. What for?  
TRACY. Charity’s got a surprise for you, out in the garden.  
CHARITY. Well thanks, blabbermouth  
TRACY. Do you want my help or not?  
CHARITY. Sorry. I just wanted it to be a surprise.  
NESS. Well I don’t know what the surprise is, still?  
TRACY opened her mouth to speak. CHARITY put her hand up.  
CHARITY. Don’t-  
TRACY. I wasn’t going to say what the surprise is! I was just going to say I think you’ll love it Ness.  
CHARITY. Okay. Great. Thanks. Right, are you ready babes?  
NESS. Hang on, let me just put my jumper on in case any of the neighbours see me!  
CHARITY. Babes! You look fine, mighty fine in fact.  
NESS. Right, ready!  
CHARITY carried the screen to the back door. Put it down a moment facing away from her and took off her dressing gown.  
NESS. I can only see the wall?  
CHARITY. Hang on babes, I’m just taking my dressing gown off.  
NESS. Oh, okay. The anticipation-  
NESS subconsciously licked her lips in readiness.  
TRACY opened the back door, and took the screen off CHARITY who disappeared out of shot.  
TRACY. Ta’da!  
NOAH & SARAH were stood outside smiling.  
NOAH & SARAH together. We present to you the Woodfield Dingle Animal Farm superheroes!  
CHARITY walked in front of the screen with MOSES and JOHNNY each holding her hand, either side of her.  
NESS. Oh babes, all my babies together. Oh hun, I love it. Oh, you all look fabulous, and Charity, babes, that suit-  
CHARITY. Where it all started babes, eh?  
NESS. Hmm yeah. You haven’t gone into detail about it to the kids, have you?  
CHARITY. No, don’t worry babes. They just think this is a fun memory for you!  
NESS. Oh, it is babes. It really is. And even before we got together, I always thought you looked fit in that grey suit, strutting around your pub in your power suit.  
CHARITY. Oh babes. Keep that thought until we chat privately later, yeah. I don’t want to tarnish young minds right now, with how that makes me feel, hearing you say that.  
CHARITY leaned in close to the screen, winked at NESS, and pouted her lips into a kiss.  
NESS. Oh, thank heaven I’m sat down. Back at ya, babe.  
CHARITY moved away from the screen, and ushered the tots forward.  
JOHNNY. I’m superhero Batman, Mummy!  
NESS. Ha yes you look fabulous darling, and you’re my little superhero too darling. I love that pose you’re striking!  
CHARITY to MOSES. Babe?  
MOSES struck a pose, with his arm higher up than JOHNNY’s next to him.  
MOSES. And I’m superhero Spiderman, Mummy Ness!  
NESS. And you look fabulous too darling, you’re both superheroes. You are so much help to Mummy Charity, boys, I’m so so proud of you.  
CHARITY. Ok boys, you can relax and stop your poses now. Are you going to show Mummy Ness, what Sausage, Woolie and Poppet are wearing?  
MOSES. What about the baby cow?  
CHARITY. Yes, we’ve got the big reveal of what name we finally chose, for the calf, haven’t we?  
NESS. Have you got a superhero outfit Trace?  
TRACY. I wanted to be Wonder Woman! I’ve always wanted to be Wonder Woman, I mean what girl doesn’t? But sadly, I couldn’t find a maternity version of her, and the plus size ones were all big in the wrong places.  
CHARITY. Never mind babes, you can wear a regular sized one for Halloween and paint your bump as a pumpkin?!  
NESS. Babes!  
CHARITY. No it’s fine babes, Trace is laughing. Put the screen down babes, you’re shaking!  
TRACY couldn’t stop laughing, despite wanting to be sarcastic back to CHARITY she had found it funny. She put the screen on the garden table propping it up on a brick to keep it steady. For a moment she remembered her darling friend, and stopped laughing. But then TRACY smiled, thinking how much of a laugh he would have had had he been here too.  
NESS. Are you okay Trace? What with it being 3yrs since Finn-  
TRACY. Yeah, thanks babe. It’s okay. He would have loved all this. Charity did ask if I was okay with her doing all this. It’s a memory of you two getting together, so of course it’s okay.  
NOAH and SARAH had been at the pens with JOHNNY and MOSES, who’d wandered off when the adults got sidetracked.  
SARAH. Are you ready to see your animal superheroes, granny Ness?  
NESS. Oh!  
CHARITY. Sarah!  
SARAH. What? You’re my granny, so that makes Ness my granny too? Unless you want me to call one of you Grandpa? Or Gramps? Or Grumps-  
CHARITY. Okay thanks babe. We’ve got the idea.  
NESS. It’s fine Sarah. In fact it’s more than fine, I love you calling me granny too, thanks sweetheart. I’m ready, let’s see them.  
SARAH picked up the screen and carried it down to the pens. CHARITY and TRACY followed her.  
SARAH. In pen number one we have?  
NOAH. Superhero Woolie the lamb!  
NOAH stood to one side, so NESS could see the lamb dressed in a red silky cape and NOAH held up a red eye mask, with a stick on one side, in front of Woolie’s face.  
NESS. Ah ha ha ha that’s brilliant love!  
NOAH. We couldn’t get the elasticated eye mask to stay on her. Can’t think why she didn’t like it!  
NESS. Ha ha ha ha, thanks guys.  
SARAH. And in pen number two we have?  
JOHNNY. Superhero Sausage the piglet!  
JOHNNY stood to one side, so NESS could see the piglet dressed in a blue silky cape, and then NOAH ran around to hold up a blue eye mask in front of the piglet’s eyes.  
NESS. Ah ha ha ha ha haa, brilliant, you little stars!  
SARAH. And in pen number three we have?  
MOSES. Superhero Starshine the cough  
CHARITY. Calf, darling.  
MOSES. Carve darlind.  
CHARITY. Yeah, okay. Ha ha.  
MOSES stood to one side, so NESS could see the calf dressed in a yellow silky cape, and then JOHNNY ran around to hold up a yellow eye mask in front of the calf’s eyes.  
NESS. Starshine? I love it. Did clever Mummy Charity get that in one of her anagrams?  
MOSES. Her nanagram, yes, Mummy Ness!  
CHARITY. Anagram, Moses!  
MOSES. Nanagram, Mummy!  
CHARITY. Have you been egging him on Trace?  
TRACY. Me? As if? Ha ha ha  
CHARITY. The whole thing was ‘Vac ya Starshine’ putting our first names together babes. But we all thought Starshine was a good name on its own. And when we look up at the stars together at night-  
NESS. Well it’s a lovely name, thanks everyone. Thanks babes. I love it.  
TRACY. The anagram solver came up with another great name for Charity!  
NESS. Oh yeah?  
TRACY. Yeah. Shall I tell her or do you want to Charity?  
CHARITY. Go on, I can see your desperate to impart your knowledges, babes!  
TRACY. Ha Ha, I thought this was so apt, ‘indirectly hag’ ha ha ha ha  
NESS. Aww babes, my Charity is no hag!  
TRACY. Well the other options were ‘dithering lacy’, ‘hydrating lice’ or ‘dignitary lech’  
CHARITY. Yeah the hag one was probably the funniest of that lot, okay. I put in ‘Tracy Nate’ just for fun, like, you know, to see what came up?  
TRACY. Go on?  
CHARITY. It was a toss up between ‘ace tyrant’ or ‘yatter can’?  
TRACY. Hmm  
CHARITY. I think ‘yatter can’ suits you best, eh babe?! Ha ha ha ha  
NESS. Okay, time out you two.  
TRACY. It’s okay, we’re only messin’. You shoulda seen the choices that came up for your name babes!  
NESS. Maybe later, eh.  
TRACY. Okay.  
NESS. Is Poppet ready with her surprise now?  
CHARITY. Yeah where’s her cape gone Trace?  
TRACY. Yeah your surprise is lined up Ness.  
CHARITY. Well it’s just another cape and mask Trace, but-  
TRACY. No. Ness has a surprise of her own for you, Charity.  
CHARITY. Oh?  
NESS. Is it ready Trace?  
TRACY. Noah?  
NOAH walked up to them with POPPET on her lead.  
NESS. Poppet has a note for you in her collar babe.  
CHARITY. Oh! When did you-  
CHARITY knelt on the grass and found a small envelope tucked into Poppet’s collar.  
CHARITY. Is it safe to read in front of everyone?  
NESS. It wasn’t my original intention, but yeah, it is.  
CHARITY unfolded the piece of paper and read the words to herself. The biggest grin spread over her face, and she looked up at NESS on the screen.  
CHARITY. Intriguing! Thanks babe! I’ll see you in the cellar 7.20pm sharp!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * Edited. I changed the time to 7.20pm as it happened in the ep.  
> I originally put 7.10pm as a guess. Oddly I was going to put nearer the later time Ness actually appeared on screen in the ep tonight, but thought no maybe Emmerdale will actually include them earlier in the ep, it appears not!


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A rare tiny bit of NSFW writing, which I usually prefer to leave to the imagination for #Vanity !

CHARITY thought she was still asleep, but she could feel someone getting out of bed the other side. Slowly she stirred, as she heard a whispering voice.  
NESS. Charity! Charitee! I’m just going to find a loo.  
CHARITY. Huh? What?  
NESS. I’m just going to find a loo outside. I didn’t want you to wake up and wonder where I was. There’s nothing to write a note on in here.  
CHARITY. Oh. Okay babe, thanks. Take care out there-  
CHARITY sat up sleepily and looked around the room as NESS threw some clothes on.  
CHARITY. Where are we?...Oh, yes!...The treehouse….but…don’t move too fast, this thing swings!  
NESS. It’s okay, I know you’re not keen. I won’t be a moment, gotta go…!  
\--  
NESS crept back into the pod, as CHARITY sat up, hearing her come back.  
NESS. I thought you might have got dressed while I was out?  
CHARITY. We don’t have to leave, yet do we?  
NESS. We’ve got to get to the adoption hearing  
CHARITY. Yeah but that’s not for (looks at watch) another three hours yet babe. Anyone would think you were wanting to get away from me.  
NESS. Ah babes, don’t be like that, you know that’s not true. I’m just a bit nervous about it, I don’t want anything to go wrong, not now we’ve got this far-  
CHARITY. Nothing will go wrong, it’s just the formalities, yeah?  
NESS. Yeah I know, and I can’t wait for you to officially be Johnny’s parent. It will be a weight off my mind that’s for sure.  
CHARITY. But you are okay at the moment, arent you? There isnt any other news you’ve not shared with me about-?  
NESS. Honestly, I’m fine. In fact, I’m more than fine. I’m so glad I was able to book this treehouse for us for an anniversary get away.  
CHARITY. It’s the best, you little star. It’s been the best 24hrs ever, and it’s not over yet-  
CHARITY winked at her fiancé. NESS grinned, and knelt at the foot of the bed.  
NESS. Even if we’ve discovered you love trees, but looking at them from ground level only!  
CHARITY. Babe! Ha ha, well I didn’t expect this pod to sway in the trees, I thought it was fixed by those wire pulley things.  
NESS. Just as well we weren’t drinking last night, with that rickety wooden bridge to cross over to get in here. Must admit, I wasn’t keen on that bit, myself.  
CHARITY. Me either, but I’m still glad you booked it for us, and we’re here together, even if it’s not for long, before you have to get back for your mum.  
NESS. Let’s not think about my mum now, eh? And I know you didn’t mind the pod rocking last night, babes.  
NESS threw her top off to reveal her bare chest underneath.  
CHARITY gulped.  
CHARITY. Well, that was different babes. I don’t mind it rocking, if you’re snuggled under the covers with me, and we’re the ones making it rock!  
CHARITY winked at her fiancé again.  
CHARITY. Come here.  
NESS grinned once more.  
NESS. Ah who needs to be snuggled under the covers, let’s not stereotype us ‘middle-aged women’ let’s throw abandon to the wind!  
CHARITY. Ha ha babe, are you sure you haven’t been drinking?  
NESS. Me? No babe. I am drunk with love, that is all. Plus I’m thinking about the state I left you in last night before you started snoring!  
CHARITY. I do not snore!  
NESS. My heavy breather then.  
NESS winked at CHARITY, who smiled. NESS threw the duvet off, and crept up CHARITY’s body. She sat astride her naked hips.  
NESS put both her hands up, and CHARITY copied and they interlinked fingers.  
CHARITY felt the electricity in their touch just doing that. Memories of last night started to return…  
They locked eyes, CHARITY smiled, and NESS leant in for a kiss.  
A sweet tender loving kiss, that turned into deep hungry raw kisses. Their hands stroked every part of each other they could reach.  
NESS moved her mouth away, and CHARITY gasped for air.  
NESS nibbled behind her ear, and down the side of her neck. CHARITY tried to reach between NESS’s legs, but she was already moving down her body, and out of reach.  
As NESS’ fingers found her folds, and slipped inside, CHARITY let out a sound she’d never heard before!  
A raw primal scream not of pain but of sheer ecstasy.  
NESS rubbed and built up a rhythm, all the while pressing her body against CHARITY’s and using her own hand to get herself off at the same time.  
NESS. Ha ha this pod will be on the floor the amount of rocking we’ve done in it since yesterday!  
CHARITY. Like …I….said…I …don’t mind….it …rocking….ah….ah….when you’re…..he….he….here….ah…ah…ahh…ohh….my…god….how do you…do…that!  
NESS laughed. Years …of…practise on myself! But I can’t li..myself, but by god I realised how much I had missed it, when you set upon me last night!  
CHARITY. Come here-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dec 2020, since Emmerdale have broken up #Vanity for now, I'm not so inclined to carry on with this fic so think it easier to shut it off here. That's not to say I wont be inspired to write other Vanity fics still even before they get back together in the prog, but just not yet. Thanks for following this story.


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